Fractal Landscape

So for my Christmas break project I recreated a program in javascript and html that I first invented back in college. I was a beginning pascal TA and between helping students I came up with this Brownian motion/fractal landscape generator. The recursive algorithm takes a square, breaks it into four smaller squares and calls itself for each new square with diminishing levels of variation for each deeper layer of recursion. It took me a day to get the palette somewhat ok, then half a day to get the recursion ok.  Next I’ll wrap a website around it allowing the users to tweak some of the parameters – and hopefully save the landscapes off as png files or something. Math is pretty cool. 

Savoring

What is the best thing you have ever eaten? Has there ever been a time when every bite of food seemed especially delicious?

I remember eating a steak on a trip to Florida that was very memorable. We were served a small dish of ice cream with the meal, and instructed to take a small bite of ice cream before each bite of steak. This would cleanse the palate and enhance the flavor of the steak.

And it did.

The steak was extra yummy. Actually, “yum” doesn’t even begin to describe it. The flavor wasn’t fleeting or overpowering. It didn’t get old like the second bite of cotton candy. I cut the steak into small pieces to make it last longer. I chewed slowly. I savored. 

Then there are the thousands of times I’ve grabbed a quick bite on my way somewhere – a quick burger, taco or burrito on the go.

These contrasts were brought to mind recently when I reviewed a story from the bible. The Savor announces to the Apostles that that would be returning to Jerusalem and that he would be killed. Peter, in his bravado of what he assumes is right, responds, “Be it far from thee Lord.”

The Savior rebukes Peter saying, “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.” (Matt 16:23)

The word “savourest” stood out to me. What does it mean to savor?

What are the things that I really enjoy? What are the things that make me happy? How do I like to spend my free time? Do I savor the things of God – or do I just like the flavor – or, are the things of God like burgers and fries? Too often I choose the figurative quick burger over the savory steak.

So my quest becomes – how to I change what I savor so that I only savor the things of God?  I think I’ll ponder that for the subject of another post.

“Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.” (Matthew 5:6)

K's First Flight

I used to have a list in my scriptures of “on demand” stories. If I was ever asked to give a talk or a lesson – especially with no preparation – I would refer to my list of stories and see if there was anything applicable to the subject at hand. I think I am going to start writing those stories down and store them on this blog. The first story that I’m going to write is “K’s first flight.”

I was our marching band’s drum major in high school. The drum major is the one up in front conducting the music and barking commands. It helped me get rid of any fear I had of public speaking and taught me to twirl a broomstick with confidence. On my mission, I frequently passed my broom twirling skills off as “bow staff skills” to amaze the kids who were into karate.

But I wasn’t the only drum major – there were two of us. K was my counterpart. In the summer before my senior year K and I got to go to a drum major clinic in California.

Our families dropped us of at the airport and K and I boarded the plane. My ticket was the window seat but I offered the seat to K as it was the first time she had been on an airplane. Soon after the plane took off I started pointed out landmarks from our city to K as we passed over the top of it, the plane still at a steep rate of climb.

When the city had passed from view I sat back in my seat to read. K remained glued to the window. After a few more minutes K began an interesting conversation.

“Brian, we’re getting kind of high in the air.”

“Yep. We’re in an airplane.”

“Yes, but… we’re getting higher than the clouds”

“Yep.”

“We’re so high I can’t even see the roads anymore.”

“Yep. Are you ok with that?”

“Well if the pilots can’t see the roads, how do the pilots know where we are going?”

How would you have responded? I’m sure I smiled, but hopefully I didn’t chuckle too loudly. “Yeah, its amazing pilots ever find their way to Hawaii.”

I have reflected on this event over and over through the years. It encapsulates so many principles, both gospel and otherwise. K was familiar with street signs and driving, and projected that mode of getting around onto the pilots. Since I do it this way, others must do it that way also.

This is the story I think about when I hear a question/comment like, “If God exists, why is there so much suffering in the world?” That question projects one’s limited understanding onto God. I love people and therefore I try to mitigate suffering. If God loves me, he would do the same.

Two scriptures come to mind.

Mosiah 4:9 Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Gospel Lessons My Snow Blower Teaches

It has been my quest recently to look more for gospel lessons in the things around me. A few weeks ago we had a huge snow storm but I was gone most of the day so I didn't get my driveway cleared off. The snow was very wet and slushy. The next morning I went out to clear the snow but to my surprise I didn't find any snow. During the night the driveway slush had turned to ice. The temperature was well below freezing and a stiff wind was making things worse. The usually fun activity of using the snow blower turned miserable. As I completed the task as best I could, I came up with the following thoughts.

1. It is best to clear the snow the same day it falls.

Snow on the first day is the lightest and the easiest to clear. Leaving it on the drive for multiple days only packs the snow and it eventually turns to ice. True, the sun might come out the next day - but probably not. It has been a few weeks now since that storm, and ice -- that pesky ice -- is still covering part of my driveway.

One gospel analogy to this principle is to repent quickly. Waiting to repent makes things worse, and harder - like the snow turning to ice.

2. It's not very productive to use a snow blower during a wind storm.

That may seem at odds with the previous point, but I still think it is a valid point. When snow-blowing during a storm, it always seems like most of the snow ends back on my face. 

There are definite gospel analogies here. The storm is not the best time for correction. Christs response to the woman taken in adultery is very instructive, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more." 

There are a lot of things the Savior could have said on that occasion. "Let's reflect a minute on all of the little decisions you have made up until this moment that got you into this predicament." or "You were in quite a mess there. You need to choose better friends and dress more modestly." But he didn't lecture. He didn't even try to correct. He didn't even point out all of the things she had done wrong. He let the moment speak for itself. Too frequently I try to fix the situation while in the midst of the storm, when it would be more effective to let the storm pass.

3. Using the snow blower is easier than clearing the driveway by hand.

Life is hard for everyone, and in the end of this mortal existence every one will die. Knowing and trying to live according to the gospel make the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" more bearable and less penetrable. My experience with the gospel and Christ's church has taught me that there is no reason for anyone to go hungry, naked, or cold, or friendless, or have nothing worthwhile to do. The gospel makes like better.

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
(Matthew 11:28-30)

We are still in the yoke, we still have to work, we still need to get the driveway cleared -- but it is a lot easier with a snow blower. It is a lot easier when we are yoked with Christ.

Lost Scriptures Returned After 17 years

My wife sent me a text yesterday that piqued my curiosity.

"Hi. Just got an interesting phone call. Do you know someone named _______?"

"Not immediately. I'm curious now."

"It would have been several years ago. He had a set of scriptures that belong to you. His mother in law just called and said she had been asked by him to return them to you."

Seventeen years ago I was just about to start my school year as a part time seminary teacher. I attended a meeting with other part time teachers at the Mountain View High School seminary. I remember putting my scriptures in the side pocket of the desk, and forgot them when I left. Later that night I realized my mistake, and returned the next day to get them, but couldn't find them. School was just about to start, so I bought a new set. That was 17 years ago.

I called the woman today and she was very nice. She mentioned that her son-in-law had given them to her about 4 years ago. She mentioned that the scriptures were beautifully marked, and because of that she had even used them once in an institute class. Her son-in-law must have noticed that I forgot my scriptures after that meeting 17 years ago, and then forgot to give them to me. I picked them up tonight and thanked her for finding me.

I wasn't sure what memories the scriptures would bring back. But it has brought back several. I'll list a few.

• I was reminded of the whole seminary teaching experience, which prompted me to go find the crayon talk again.
• My mom bought these scriptures for me as a Christmas present right before I went on my mission. I entered the MTC on February 3 - and I spent much of that January transferring markings from my childhood scriptures to my new missionary set. I took a photo of the process with all four books open and my marking pencils scattered about. I have memories of the anticipation I felt, and wished I could start my mission already.
• The scripture cover zipper wore out while I was on my mission. I had the zipper replaced. That brought back lots of memories of Brazil.
• The scriptures were marked well as the woman indicated - as they would be through a mission and college courses, and lots of personal study. As I have thumbed through the pages tonight I've been reminded of some of the lessons the scriptures taught me once upon a time. I find myself wanting to look at my present set to make sure the lessons were captured again.
• I had a tithing receipt in the scriptures for $29. Those were the days.

So there is my lost scripture story. The coincidental part is that my wife this week has been preparing a primary sharing time lesson about the scriptures being treasures. My scriptures are certainly a lost treasure that's been found.

The Crayon Talk

All my life I wanted to be a seminary teacher. (Well, except for that brief time in my childhood when I thought it would be pretty cool to drive the lawn tractor for the city.) My father was a seminary teacher. Many of my seminary teachers growing up became my heroes and role models. I loved teaching. I loved the scriptures. Everything was lining up perfectly – I was born to teach seminary.

The requirements to teach seminary were few in number yet hard to complete. Hundreds of people applied for only a few jobs each year. At BYU and other schools there were two methods classes. At the end of the second class all of the students that wanted the opportunity were given a few days to substitute in an actual class. Candidates were evaluated and some were extended a year-long part time teaching position. Candidates would continue to be evaluated every few weeks, and at the end of the year a few were offered full time positions.

After my short teaching experience in March I received a letter saying that I “might” be offered a part time position. Apparently I was right on the cusp – and whether I got a part time position depended on how many part time positions were available, and how many candidates above me changed their minds. At first glance through the letter I thought I had received a “no” letter. I was sad. It was only after a second more thorough reading that I actually learned my situation. But my heart was deflated and resigned to the fact that I probably wouldn’t get to teach.

Several weeks passed and I had nearly forgotten about seminary – or at least put it out of my mind. It was August, and I was about to graduate from BYU. Out of the blue one day, and totally unexpectedly, I received a phone call from one of my instructors inviting me to take a part time position. It was hard to contain my emotion long enough to hang up. I jumped around the house rejoicing. I have never been so elated in all of my life. Never have I had such a feeling of joy. After a few minutes jumping around, gratitude settled in and I knelt down and prayed and wept. And wept some more.

For that school year I was a part time teacher at Pleasant Grove High School Seminary. The experience was fun and challenging. It was what I wanted to do. I was evaluated many times throughout the year and I felt I had a pretty good shot at full time job. Towards the end of the year we were told to expect another phone call telling us yes or no. Mine came on the anticipated night.

“Hello”
“May I speak with Brian, please.”
“Speaking.”
“Brian, I’m sorry…”

Again I tried to contain my emotion long enough to hang up. That life path was closed. I cried. And then cried some more. I had never felt so sad and deflated.

During those solemn days I received two timely bits of advice that have set the course for the remainder of my life. After explaining the saga to a friend he said, “Seminary teachers have it easy. Your challenge in life will be to teach the gospel through programming a computer as well as you could in front of a class.” That has often been a point of pondering for me.

Another friend pointed me to a talk by Janet Lee entitled, “Knowing When to Persevere and when to Change Direction.” In the talk she describes how we should color with the crayons we have in our box, rather than wish for crayons we don’t have and not coloring at all.

Sometimes life happens and the deep feelings I had once upon a time are rekindled, and I identify a little too much with uncle Rico trying to make reconciliation between what is and what might have been. And after a few moments I come to the same conclusion – my occupation is only a small part of who I am and my desired destination in life. I have some awesome crayons, some good coloring skills (and bow staff skills), and it is time to color.

So if you are in a situation where life is different than you imagined, read the crayon talk, get a crayon from your box and start coloring.