Standing Ovations

I have been thinking about what I can do to remedy something that gets me cranky: standing ovations. I haven't been to a performance for a long time that did not receive a standing ovation. So I ask myself, what's the point.

What does a standing ovation mean anyway? Should they be given to whomever for whatever? Are there any standards? Is it like multiple exclamation points at the end of a sentence? Is "Fun!" any less fun than "Fun!!!" I had a writing teacher once suggest that you should only use five exclamation points throughout your lifetime. She informed the class that she had already used two, and that in retrospect she thought one of those times was frivolous. Consequently, I don't write with many exclamation points, and I don't give many standing ovations.

My English teacher's comment got me thinking - what if people were only allowed to give 5 standing ovations in their life. Then if someone were to give a standing ovation it would really mean something. After some thinking about this issue, I came up with the following business idea.

Everyone will be issued 5 STOV cards. If you stand as part of an ovation, you must remit one of your cards to the performer. The performer will endorse the card and receive $20 for each card submitted. Naturally performers will be interested in gathering the cards, and it will inspire them to give great performances. Endorsed cards will be double checked for validity and then cataloged.

I am aware that some people will need more than 5 STOV cards, so extra cards can be purchased from me for $100 each. This will force each audience member to better scrutinize each performance. “I liked the performance, but did I like it $100 worth?”

For those people who have surplus STOV cards, they can be returned to me for a 20% restocking fee, or they can be traded on the open market. Returned STOV cards can be purchased for $90.

I'm going to call this new venture, "Clap and Trade."

Any thoughts or improvements?